Food as a Vehicle for Making a Family: An Interview with Phil Rosenthal

For Phil Rosenthal, food has been a vehicle to create familial bonds throughout his career, from his days co-creating the hit sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond” with Ray Romano, to his travel series “Somebody Feed Phil,” to his opening a diner named “Max and Helen’s” in his parents’ honor. His goals are not just to entertain viewers, but to promote kindness and friendship while making people laugh and filling stomachs (including his own). Phil joined me recently on “Christopher Closeup” (podcast below) to discuss his life and work.

The “Everybody Loves Raymond 30th Anniversary Reunion” special earned a Christopher Award earlier this year because it clearly demonstrated that this show about a comedically “angry family” was grounded in love, both in front of the camera and behind the scenes. Phil explained, “Every family gets frustrated with each other. Every family can even get angry. But as long as there’s that underlying love, that’s what keeps families together.”

“Raymond’s” origins are partially due to family and food. Years ago, Phil bought his parents a subscription to the Fruit of the Month Club as a gift, thinking they would appreciate it. But when the initial box of 12 pears arrived, they felt overwhelmed by fruit! And when they learned that more fruit would be coming every month, they believed Phil had gotten them involved “in a cult.” Phil’s mother exclaimed, “How are we going to eat all this fruit? I can’t talk anymore, there’s too much fruit in the house!”

That exchange made its way verbatim into the pilot episode for “Raymond” and helped establish the personalities of Frank and Marie Barone (Doris Roberts and Peter Boyle). Phil said, “I thought this would be a good illustration of just how crazy Ray’s parents were going to be, and that nothing would be easy in dealing with them through the series…What I didn’t realize was that your parents are crazy too, and that you relate to this level of crazy, even though it’s not exactly what your parents were crazy about. But we relate to each other’s specificities, so I learned right from there to write as specifically as possible, and that’s where the universality lies.”

Though Phil often poked fun at his parents, the love he felt for them was always present. He even made them regulars on “Somebody Feed Phil.” He said that making them a part of his success was “the greatest joy in the world. I owe them everything. I’m so lucky to have been their son, not just because they were a font of comedic material, but because they were the most loving and supportive parents you could ever wish for. When we were lucky enough to win the Emmy Awards, I actually bought an extra one and I gave it to them, and it said, ‘Best Supportive Parents.'”

Phil’s also credits his parents for his kindness and good nature. He explained, “I really think kindness was modeled in my house. And I always tell new parents, when they ask for any advice at all from an old guy like me, I say, ‘There’s nothing you can do except model the behavior you want to see in your children. You can talk and give them rules, but if they see you doing the wrong thing, they’re going to know that you’re not genuine.’ And that can be a terrible thing to find out that your role models are disingenuous. Well, there’s no bigger role model than mom and dad…Every kid’s going to go through adolescence, they’re going to go through…the natural state of rebellion…But sure enough…if you’ve lived by example, you’re going to see that reflected back in your kids, and they come around. We couldn’t be prouder of our kids [Ben and Lily], and we love seeing the grownups that they became.”

Considering the long hours that actors and crew spend together on a set, Phil wanted to make sure that “Everybody Loves Raymond” had a family atmosphere. Though he had worked on TV shows before, “Raymond” was his first time being a showrunner and in charge of everything.

In his previous jobs, Phil had witnessed showrunners taking an authoritarian approach. On one successful sitcom, for instance, the crew even received a memo that they were not allowed to use milk on their cereal; milk was for coffee only.

Phil decided then and there that if he ever got his own show, he would supply milk for cereal – and so much more. He made sure the “Raymond” set had the best food so everyone could share meals and snacks together, which led to bonding. He said, “Food was going to be this vehicle for making a family…So ‘Raymond’ was about a family, it was made for families, and very quickly, it was being made by a family.”

In the years after “Raymond” ended, Phil created his own food and travel show, originally titled “I’ll Have What Phil’s Having” on PBS. When it moved to Netflix, it became “Somebody Feed Phil,” and it took him around the U.S. and around the world to taste new foods, see new sights, and meet new people. And once again, Phil created a family atmosphere in making the show, but this time by working with his own family, including his brother Richard, son Ben, daughter Lily, wife Monica, and parents Max and Helen.

The series is moving to YouTube in 2027, but the themes that Phil emphasizes will remain the same. He said, “What started as a scam, which is me getting someone else to pay for my food and travel, is actually this wonderful vehicle to get to that larger message: I think the world would be better if we all could experience a little bit of other people’s experiences. And so, I’m a big travel advocate. It started in my head as getting people to travel, because it changed my life for the better, mainly because of the people that you meet on your journeys, and to find out that the world is mostly sweet and nice, and not what you see on the news. I’m only using food and my stupid sense of humor to get you to travel, and to get you that real message. That’s it. The people are everything…I always say food is the great connector, and then laughs are the cement.”

As an example, Phil recalled a visit to Japan where he was eating with a family and asked what they do for fun. The patriarch responded, “We have champagne night.” Every Wednesday, the family gathers together, opens a new bottle of champagne, and enjoys each other’s company.

Phil loved that idea and half-jokingly responded that in his family, they have “egg cream night.”

“Egg cream, for those of you who don’t know,” Phil explained, “is seltzer, milk, and chocolate. So it’s just a chocolate soda. Very, very cheap. It doesn’t have egg or cream in it, it’s just an old Brooklyn trick from 100 years ago. So I said, ‘We have egg cream night,’ which is kind of true. My parents, every night before bed, would have an egg cream. That was their treat. Grew up with that. And the man now says in English, ‘What is this egg cream?’ And I laughed. Because the incongruity of Japanese people – and the women were in kimonos – they all leaned forward, very interested [in egg creams].”

The crew went out to buy the ingredients and made egg creams for the Japanese family to try on camera. Phil said, “This was one of my favorite things I’ve ever gotten to be part of in my life, let alone the show. You think when you travel, ‘What do I have to offer? I’m just the visitor.’ I didn’t know that I could offer them anything of value. Well, it was a cultural moment for them to have something from another land, as humble as it is. And just to see their faces light up, and to see these ladies, their nose tickle from the bubbles of the soda, I was in absolute heaven! I said, ‘This is what the show is for: to make connections like this, connections of love, and joy, and fun, and sharing.”

Between his professional success and the closeness of his family, Phil has a lot to be grateful for. And when he hits times of darkness in his life, thankfulness is his key to getting through it.

“Gratitude is the secret,” Phil concluded. “Gratitude is what gets you through all kinds of times….If you have a roof over your head, if you have food to eat, you’re better off than so many people in the world. Then add to that, a loving family, friends, you’re so ahead of the game. If you have your health. All these things. So I wake up grateful every day, and the rest of my day is gravy. In my case, it’s literally gravy [with] the diner [and] my job. I get to have the most wonderful life that I could have dreamed of.”

(To listen to the full interview with Phil Rosenthal, click on the podcast link):